Sexpectations: helping the next generation navigate healthy relationships
I’m honored to welcome Barb Winters as our guest today as she introduces her new book: Sexpectations: Helping the Next Generation Navigate Healthy Relationships. This book will be a wonderful resource for those who love kids and want to help them cultivate healthy relationships in a hypersexualized culture.
I think some of you will be shocked by what you learn. Find Barb’s bio at the end of the post along with how to qualify to win a copy of her book—which just released yesterday!
The following excerpt by Barb comes from the first chapter of the book. ~Candyce
The Online Pornographic World
Pornography has exacerbated the idea that hooking up is normal, natural, and a perfectly acceptable means to satisfaction. What many parents don’t understand is that today’s pornography is readily available, more graphic and violent than ever, and out to capture the minds of our children. It’s nothing like the Playboy of yesteryear. While my generation had to plan ahead to watch an inappropriate video, today’s children stumble onto an image or video clip while innocently scrolling. Young kids who are too young to run a vacuum or cook on the stove search for a word they don’t know and become exposed to a whole new world. Advertisements appear on their sidebar as they complete a homework assignment. Curiosity gets the better of them, and they click. One click is all it takes. Just like you and I get lost on Facebook, Instagram, or YouTube, clicking one video after another, they are off and running, accessing free pornography easily.
But children don’t just search for it on their own or stumble onto it accidentally. Sometimes, their friends show them. Kids are eager to share their newfound knowledge and freely stick their devices with the offensive material under the innocent eyes of their friends or acquaintances. I’ve heard stories from mom friends stating that their six-year-old or seven-year-old was shown photos or videos during sports practices, playdates, or during school. One mom told me that a nine-year-old girl showed her ten-year-old son pornography while both parents were in the same room. Sometimes our young children report these incidents to us because they are shocked by what they see or understand the dangers. But many times, especially if no one has talked with them about pornography, they don’t say anything.
Pornography was in our home for years without my knowledge. The day I learned that my fourteen-year-old son watched porn, I was blindsided. I felt a gag reflex at the back of my throat when I heard him say, “I was watching porn.” What?! How could that be? I thought I had misheard or that I was living someone else’s life. We taught our children biblical principles and the difference between right and wrong. We homeschooled them and took them to church. My husband was a pastor. I thought all those components equated to raising children who knew when to say “no” to worldly pleasures. But I was wrong.
My son was watching pornography when a bogus warning popped up on his screen that threatened him to pay money or the person on the other end would call the police. He was petrified at the thought of being arrested and, out of fear, came to his dad and me in a panic. That day changed my life. I can still visualize my son standing in our yard and revealing this secretive information to us. My eyes were opened to an underground world I didn’t know or understand. The shock, pain, hurt, anger, shame, and feeling of loneliness changed the trajectory of my life.
But porn isn’t the only negative influence smartphones brought with them. Social media affects what we think of ourselves and how we interact with others. These virtual communities have upped the comparison game and set our emotions on edge. One moment we are riding a high created by extra likes and flattering comments, and the next we are facedown in our pillow reeling from one semi-negative comment said by someone we’ve never met. And whatever emotional roller coaster we are riding, our children are on one going four times as fast with steeper hills and more curves, twists, and turns.
Devices granting access to anyone at any time ushered in a new way of introducing yourself to a potential partner. Whether searching for a long-term relationship or a quick fix to a sexual need, sending a nude, or sexting, is now equivalent to saying hello. According to Camille Mori, Jessica E. Cook, and others in “The Prevalence of Sexting Behaviors Among Emerging Adults: A Meta-Analysis,” not only is consensual sexting an emerging behavior, but so is nonconsensual sexting.[1]
The 2020 pandemic and lockdown intensified this hookup culture and pornographic atmosphere. What already existed worsened. With children and adults alike spending an unprecedented amount of time staring at screens all day, it was the perfect storm for the pornography industry and predators to capture the attention of more consumers. Thankfully, the pandemic also brought attention to what most hadn’t known or had ignored—pornography and groomers for human trafficking are in our neighborhoods. And we began discussing it.
The 2020 pandemic and lockdown intensified this hookup culture and pornographic atmosphere. What already existed worsened. With children and adults alike spending an unprecedented amount of time staring at screens all day, it was the perfect storm for the pornography industry and predators to capture the attention of more consumers. Thankfully, the pandemic also brought attention to what most hadn’t known or had ignored—pornography and groomers for human trafficking are in our neighborhoods. And we began discussing it.
[1] Mori C;Cooke JE;Temple JR;Ly A;Lu Y;Anderson N;Rash C;Madigan S; “The Prevalence of Sexting Behaviors among Emerging Adults: A Meta-Analysis,” Archives of sexual behavior (U.S. National Library of Medicine, February 18, 2020), https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/32072397/.
BIO: Barb Winters is the mom of a recovered pornography addict, certified Sexual Risk Avoidance Specialist, speaker, and founder of Hopeful Mom: supporting parents in an online world, where she offers encouragement and practical advice to parents and leaders. Barb’s book, Sexpectations: Helping the Next Generation Navigate Healthy Relationships, releases August 8, 2023. She and her husband reside in Florida, near two of their four children. Connect with Barb on Facebook and Instagram. Subscribe at HopefulMom.net for a FREE PDF download.
Join the conversation. I’d love to know your thoughts. All who comment will be entered into a drawing for Barb’s new book. There is someone in your life it will benefit. If you don’t want to wait for the drawing, find ordering information by clicking on the book’s title in Barb’s bio.
Thank you for visiting today. I’m sure you’re encouraged, as I’m am, that conversations about this difficult topic have begun.
Immersed in His Love,
Candyce
Join the conversation. I’d love for you to share your thoughts below. All who comment will be entered into a drawing for Barb’s new book. There is someone in your life it will benefit. If you don’t want to wait for the drawing, find ordering information by clicking on the book’s title in Barb’s bio.
Immersed in His Love, Candyce
Barbara, I applaud your braveness to address this topic parents need to hear. Like you, no parent thinks their children will fall prey to such evil, but in our world today, it happens frequently. We must pray for their protection and be watchful. Thank you, and thank you, Candyce, for sharing Barbara’s message.
I’m assuming Barb had parental controls in place that were supposed to protect her son from inappropriate content on the internet. It’s very disturbing to realize that predators find their way through anyway! This book she’s authored is a much-needed resource. Kudos to her for tackling such a difficult and uncomfortable topic.
I agree. Barb is to be commended. And she did everything in her power to protect her kids. Her story is a lesson for us all.
This is such an important topic to get out in the open, Candyce and Barb. Thank you for offering a God-centered resource.
Barb is to be commended for writing on this challenging topic! The book is doing really well, and that speaks to the need for it.
I wasn’t aware of how prevalent pornography is among our children. It’s a parents’ horrific nightmare. Thank you, Barb, for your commitment in helping families be aware of this. I’m praying for your ministry and for our children. Thank you, Candyce, for helping us learn about this tragic issue.
It is tragic, for sure. Thank you for your commitment to pray.
I can only imagine what my grandchildren will be exposed to. It’s a scary thought. Thank you, Barb for bringing awareness to this important topic. We need to be educated so that we are better equipped to help and protect the children in our lives.
Barb has written a fantastic book, and it has the power to impact many.
Thanks for commenting, Terri.
Thank you Candace. Barb, I appreciate your willingness to share what you’ve learned through your painful experience. This book is needed and I pray for many to be helped through this resource.
Thanks so much for your kind words and prayers.
That is my prayer too, Lisa. Thanks for stopping by.
So sad! While I’m not too comfortable talking about this subject with the opposite sex, this pandemic of moral corruption in too important not to learn how. Thank you Ms. Barb and Ms. Candyce. God’s blessings ladies.
It’s a tough topic to discuss for sure, JD. But we must bring it out of the dark in order to educate, enlighten, and help eradicate. Thanks for sharing it on your platform.
Candyce,
Thank you for spreading God’s word and drawing us into this Kingdom. I appreciate the opportunity to be a small part by contributing to your blog and spreading His word to your readers. Thank you!
It’s my honor and pleasure, Barb! Congratulations on being #1 new release Christian Healthy Dating and Relationships category on Amazon!